Alright, well if you’ve been following along on my (not updated frequently enough) blog you know that I recently turned 21. If I could put in the gritted teeth emoji here I would. Because with all of the fun that comes with turning the golden 21 years of age (hello, 21+ concerts and happy hour cocktails) there are some things that I’m still trying to figure out. For starters, in three and a half months I graduate college, I have started looking for long-term housing and a career, and I’m realizing I have to make some pretty big choices in the next few months.
With all of this comes an anxious heart and mind. I feel pulled in a million different directions and some days I just feel insanely lost. Scratch that, most days I feel insanely lost. That’s the trouble with becoming an adult.
Even as I’m writing this, at one o’clock on a Saturday night in the apartment that is officially home but doesn’t quite feel like it, I’m having trouble processing all that is currently happening. I’m constantly struggling with where I want to be; physically, emotionally, career-wise, you name it and I’m probably stressing over it. And there are parts of me that feel like I’m ready to be an adult. The part that fill up my gas tank in its entirety instead of putting $10 tops in at a time. Or the part that makes a grocery list before going to the store, and buys cheap beer instead of a fancy cocktail because I can’t afford it, or even the part of me that says no to going out entirely because it doesn’t fit the budget and that’s okay. Those parts feel like an adult.
But then there are other parts where I’m not sure I’m ready. The part where the month gets away from me and all of a sudden rent is due. Or the part that still needs to drag my mom to the eye doctor because I can’t pick frames by myself. Those parts are the parts that give me anxiety. The parts where when December rolls around I’m going to have to figure out some of those things for myself, and I’m not sure if I will.
Here’s the thing. Logically I know that I’m overreacting. I know that no matter what happens I’m going to land on my feet. The problem is that I’m human and I’m not think about this logically. Because I’m too busy feeling. I’m feeling stressed, and anxious, and scared. Which is fine because every single person goes through this. But the struggle right now is making sure that it doesn’t swallow up my life. So for right now I’m going to go to bed, then tomorrow I’ll wake up. And that’s all I know for sure, but that’s okay. I’ll figure the rest out in due time.